“You sure you won’t have a bite. It’s not the greatest but satisfactory.”“What do you want? You’re paying for the beer and about five more minutes of my time, and then I’m jetting, so speak up.”“Ok, I’ll get right down to it. I’m the Captain of the Seward’s Folly”“No!” he interrupted me “Nope, no way. I won’t have anything to do with you. I don’t care what you’re offering. I’m not interested.”As he stood to leave, I asked, “Why? At least tell me why?”“Look mate, I won’t have anything to do with somebody who loses his ship to a mutiny and also manages to get cashiered for ignoring a direct order. If you’re not an albatross, you’re incompetent, and I won’t ship out with you.”“Hang on a minute, none of that ever happened to me. I’ll admit they cashiered me. But that was because of Windemere. Not losing a ship.”“Windemere? Edwards, I know you didn’t have anything to do with Windemere. You were halfway to the deep dark when Windemere went down.”“Edwards? Who the hell is Edwards? I’m Henry. What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over? DoughnutsWhy is air a lot like sex? Because it’s no big deal unless you’re not getting any.What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever.What do attorneys use for birth control? Their personalities.What’s the difference between a girlfriend and wife? 10 years and 45 lbsWhat’s the difference between a boyfriend and husband? 45 minutesWhy do men want to marry virgins? They can’t stand criticism.Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see youWhy do men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.What’s the difference between a porcupine and BMW? A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? “Are you sure.
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